Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Irishisms revisted

I was visiting an old friend from Belfast the other day who reminded me of a recurring email segment that I use to do in Ireland called "Irishisms of the Week".  Considering that it is by far the most read thing I've ever written, I've decided to compile an anthology.  Since I am lazy, this is largely unedited.

11/25/05 Happy White Thanksgiving

Irish Spellings: Tyres, Cheque, Colour

Pronounciations: Croissant (said with a french accent...and I thought they didn't like the French), vit- (like fit) amins, and Nike (pronounced like Pike and this is an American company!

Definition  bap - hamburger bun or some sort of breaded food...(I think)

12/20/05 There's no "happy" in Christmas
Through my travels of the UK, I have heard or seen the phrase "Happy Christmas" more times than I can count.  Well, I have quickly chastised the locals and pointed to "We wish you a Merry Christmas" and every Christmas movie I can think of to illustrate my point...so there you go.

Most people consider themselves British and not Irish (although they can get Irish passports)

C.S. Lewis was born and raised in Belfast

"Tea" can refer to well tea or more oftenly dinner

The keyboards are almost identical, except that some genius thought it would be funny to switch the ' @ ' and '  "  '  keys

Taking your hand and putting up two fingers (like the sign for smoking or the number two if you were counting) is like flipping someone the bird -- even though you can do that as well

Locals will be highly amused if you ever use the words "fanny" or "pants" in a sentence

platform = stage
gallery = balcony (nothing like someone telling you to put away the "platform" or to get something from the "gallery" and you just staring blankly back at them.
main Church = Sancutary
car park = parking lot
Christmas dinner = really big 4 course meal with more forks than I know what to do with
brill = brilliant = well done

2/7/06 mourning the Hawks in Belfast...
-- repeating yourself
e.g. I went to the store so I did...I've got a paper to write so I do

skip = dumpster

fit = hot, attractive, etc.
e.g.  Wow, that girl's really fit

celidh (caley) = traditional Irish Dance

2/26/06 Postal Strike is over!!
If you meet anyone named Sam, their name can only be pronounced "Psalm"

This place could really use a lesson in road signs.  Apparently, they
thought it was a good idea to place an obscure sign on a building side
at either end of a street and to ignore the 25 BLOCKS in between!
(rule also applies to London)

It's just not a sandwich unless it has butter and lots of butter on
it.  This phenomenon also extends to buttering hot dog buns with hot
dogs on them...I kid you not.

"cheeky" -- roughly equivalent to "sassy", but not really negative
"slagging" -- poking fun at a friend
Both words tend to get used around me quite a bit, and I also seem to
be developing a reputation at being around the girls -- I don't know
how these things get started

"yer man" -- could be anyone from a friend, to the president, to
anyone with loose ties to you..."Yer man George Clooney is up for best
Director at the Oscars, so he is"

Random Steve quote of the week: (new section devoted to my Northern
Irish co-worker Steve Kee who may just be my hero in life)

 "The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese"

3/6/06 working for the IRA...
I'm convinced that there are more KFCs in Northern Ireland than in all
of Kentucky (on a side note, this guy from Kentucky brought a bucket
of the Colonel's finest to an International food fest...hillarious)

Ulster = essentially Northern Ireland (but not exactly)
Ulster fry = heart attack on a plate -- eggs, bacon, sausage,
pancakes, soda bread, potato bread, beans, tomatoes, mushrooms, etc.
ALL FRIED (seeing a theme?)

nackard = tired
snog = kiss
mucker = friend -- and to think that it sounds so derogatory

ack = random filler with no discernable meaning -- often used before
the word 'no'

Guy 1: Hey mucker, you look nackard.  Were you snogging last night?
Guy 2: ack...no

Steve joke of the week:

What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn't matter, he won't come
Where do you find a dog with no legs? right where you left him

3/26/06 Husky heartbreak...
Ireland:  the only place that could hold a national drinking holiday
in the middle of Lent

List of famous Northern Irish bands in no particular order: Van
Morrison, Snow Patrol, and ummmnnm.....

If a Northern Irish person ever makes fun of American sports, point
out that Northern Irish soccer holds the World record for consecutive
scoreless minutes and that the scintalating sport of Cricket can last
5 days.

bill (on a baseball cap) = peak...what's that all about?

Radom Steve quote of the week (while standing around): "I'm good at
looking and I'm good to look at"

4/15/06 Happy Easter!!
American concepts foreign to the locals: Sloppy Joes, Corn Dogs, Dairy
Queen, Jimmy Buffett, Slurpee's, real milk shakes, real hamburgers, PB
& J -- which will really get you a perplexed look as "jelly" is
"jello" over here

Aluminum -- pronounced (Al - u - men - e [as in bee] - um) ...that's just weird

nappie -- diaper
pram -- baby carriage
petrol -- gas
trainers -- sneakers / any sports' shoe
jumper -- jacket or hoodie

Random Steve quote of the week:

(As our minister is trying to illustrate this really complex point
about OT people dying and going to heaven where he repeatedly uses the
phrases "over here" and "over there")

Steve: "That appears to be mutually exclusive ... from over here that is"

4/26/06 pics from Scotland and other fun news...

The 26th letter of the alphabet is 'zed' not 'z'.  I've repeatedly
pointed out that "x -y -zed, now I know my a - b - c's " doesn't rhyme
so it is clearly wrong

ketchup = red sauce
BBQ sauce = brown sauce (a very flowerly language they have over here)

a period (at the end of a sentence) is a "full stop" and no I am not
making this up

The Yankees' marketing behemoth is in full force over here with a
ridiculous number of people wearing their stuff who couldn't tell you
that the Yankees are a baseball team, that they play in New York, or
that George Steinbrenner is the scum of the Universe


Steve quote of the week as Kairos is located in his hometown of Cookstown:

"After the cinema, the second most exciting place in town is the kids'
play park where people come to snog...oh, and then there's the
recycling center..."



5/11/06 Tis' the season to BBQ...

Irish greetings: How's you, hiya, heya, what's about you?, how's the craic

Is that us? = Are we done?
That's us = We're done
cheerio (say it like a posh [snooty] English person for full effect) = goodbye...and to think it's not a breakfast cereal

The following are all real Crisp (potato chip) flavors:  Lamb and mint, Heinz Tomato Ketchup, Marmite Yeast Extract, Pickled Onion, Prawn Cocktail, and Smoky Bacon...to name a few...Marmite Yeast Extract...yum

Steve thought of the week (and he took physics so you know this adds up)

So:                          
                  women = time * money
and everyone knows that:              time = money
so:                                              women = money²
and of course:                              money = √EVIL
which follows that:                        money² = EVIL
so:                                              women = EVIL
...and we wonder why we don't have girlfriends

5/29/06 Christmas in May (and almost June)?
Does anyone else find it alarming that the church phone number contains 6666 all in a row?

The modern marvels -- on / off switches on every electric socket; the electric shower (you never run out of hot water) -- I feel this is right up there with the shopping cart escalator in Northgate for 8th wonder of the World!

Great Belfast engineering feats -- The Titanic and the DeLorean

class - that person / place / thing is really great
flip - loosely translates to "I'll be darn" or "crap!"
dead on - great - generally refers to people

"Flip, yer man's dead on.  That was class."

eegit - idiot
minger - ugly person - the equivalent of "loser"
"does your head in" - drives you up the wall

"That mingers an eegit.  He does my head in."

Steve's Irish jokes of the week
What do you call an Irishman hanging from the ceiling?  Shaun - de - leer
What do you call his wife? Crystal Shaun - de -leer
What do you call an Irish beer thief? Nick - ed mc Guinness

6/19/06 back in Seattle with phone...
World Cup thoughts:
    1.  It has been incredibly addicting...this can be the only reason to explain why I've been watching games like Switzerland - Togo?
    2.  The Italians are the biggest bunch of pansies, floppers, and whiners!
    3.  I watched the game in a bar next to a bunch of sterotypical Italians raising their arms in yelling the player names like a very disappointed Italian grandmother -- very funny

Tea time -- when the amount of tea they drink here, you think it would be well... "tea" time, but you'd be wrong!...it's actually dinner
e.g. "I'm going to grab my tea"   -- of course, if it was after 9, it would be your supper and they're also firm believers in the dessert spoon to eat things like cake, pies, etc. -- very weird

daft -- stupid, foolish

In Florida, it's "coke" ... in Washington, it's "pop" ... and in Belfast it's "fizzy drink" -- what's that about?

And finally, the Queen's English is in full effect with words such as "tidy", "naughty", "proper", and "posh" -- tally ho my dear chap

7/05/06 back in Seattle with phone...

Slieve Donard -- That's right I got to conquer the highest point in all of Northern Ireland (all 2600 feet of it! ... pic below) which was promptly celebrated with ice cream of the "chockee bear" (highly recommended) variety at Maudes' Ice Cream

Final North Coast trip -- took one final trip to the North Coast which included running down the sweetest sand dunes and the jousting match of death

Free Irish Whiskey -- after realizing that I spent an entire year without having any Irish Whiskey, we stopped by the Bushmills factory and we ended up securing complimentary Irish Whiskey

Prank of the minister's office -- as part of the final night festivities, I was a part of a prank of the minister's office that can only be described as "teddy bear picnic" -- craziest adventure since crashing the sailboat into the island at Firwood! -- pics to come later

Favorite Irishisms of the year:

What's the craic [crack]?  or How's the craic?  -- sad to say that I can no longer use these in a sentence unless I wind up at Pike's Place Market in the middle of the night
anything with the word "wee" or "yer" in it -- "There goes yer wee man"
Wha abouch ya? -- If you ever meet someone from Ballymenia...of course, you might have a hard time understanding them